I haven’t written anything in several weeks, and it is so nice to be able to write here again.
To be honest, these last few months have been incredibly hard. But we will get to that in a bit.
As for now, to make this post make sense, there is something that you need to know about me: I am incredibly competitive. Honestly, if you want something done, tell me that it can’t be done and I will find a way. One of the best examples of this was when I was in 8th grade, and I went to a waterpark, and there was one of these there:
And while that small girl makes it look real easy, it was not. After trying it a couple times, someone told me to give up, I was never going to make it across.
For the next hour, I repeatedly tried to finish it. Finally I had to give up as my hands were ripped completely raw, devastated that I couldn’t complete a stupid attraction at a water park. I threw a minor tantrum, embarrassing myself and my family.
Long story short, in both senses of the phrase, I needed to get a grip.
We went back to that same water park the next year, and I completed it. I realized that my strength didn’t come from my arms grasping at the net, but rather the foundation I could create with my feet.
My competitive drive was satisfied. For now. 🙂
Fast forward to present day, I am still competitive as ever. I had so many dreams about how my senior year was going to go, and virtually all of them have changed. My boss resigned, nearly tripling the hours I needed to work. I quickly found out that I needed to play much bigger roles on the speech team and in YoungLife. I was spending nearly 100 hours a week in work and extra-curriculars. I was flailing in life, with classes, with work, with speech, with YoungLife.
And the worst thing was, that competitive voice in my head just kept telling me to keep going. So I did.
I was grasping, grasping for anything, and I wasn’t getting anywhere. I was ripping my hands raw, grasping for anything and everything to keep me afloat.
I needed to get a grip.
And thank goodness I had a foundation to fall upon. When I was broken, when I was tired, when I wanted to just run, my feet found the foundation that let me get my balance.
I am so blessed to have a foundation to fall upon.
2 Timothy 2:19a says, “Nevertheless, the firm foundation of God stands, having this seal, ‘The Lord knows those who are His.'”
To be honest, I could have kept going, ripping my hands in a desperate attempt to get a grip, to pull me up for air, somehow, someway using my strength to get across. I would have failed, and I would have failed again.
Guys, I can’t do life without Jesus. I can’t. I have tried, and I have failed. I need a foundation, because it is the only way that I could get a grip.
I hope and pray that you have a foundation to fall upon. I hope that you know that you can’t do it alone. I hope that you realize that there are people around who can help you be your foundation. But moreover, I want to invite you to a foundation that will never crack: Jesus Christ. I wouldn’t be here otherwise.
This week, I finally got it. I am still as competitive as always, but I can’t just will myself across. I have to approach each and every day with the realization that I can’t do it alone. I can’t just keep ripping myself raw in failure, I have to turn to my foundation to make it across that pool. I can do it with a smile because even though my grip my fail, my foundation wont.