There is a gap between my head and my heart

There is a gap between my head and my heart. Sure, physically it is about a foot wide, but in life, it is much farther than that. 
So often my thoughts are so distant from my heart. 

I like to think that my heart has some fairly constant things going on, feelings of happiness, joy, encouragement, empathy, passion, excitement, friendship, love. 

My brain on the otherhand, couldn’t be farther from that. 
For example, here is a small splattering of thoughts from my head today: 
Wow, it’s windy. 
Physics can be really boring sometimes. 
The 5 dollar footlong for this month at Subway is black forrest ham, which is a normal five dollar footlong. 
Why did the woman who cut my hair ask if she could keep a strand of it? 
Gosh, I need to change my alarm song, “Play that Funky Music White Boy” is getting really old. 

 

And then there was another level: 

Wow, she’s attractive. 
I can’t believe that some people are so bad at their jobs. 
This is a waste of my time. 
Are you kidding me? my roommate is blasting music early in the morning again. 
I will just surf facebook for a little bit, and then go right back to studying. 

And then there is another level. 

What if I am not good enough? 
Why can’t I take advantage of the gifts I am given? 
I am never going to be able to pull this off.
When are you going to stop failing? 
and the most dangerous of all, 
Are you sure? 

There is a gap between my head and my heart. I know this, I have always known this. 

I hate this. Why is there such a disconnect between what I feel and what I think? I want my heart, those feelings of love, passion, encouragement, joy, to always explode out of me in everything that I do. But then my thoughts dilute these wonderful things to a degree that I don’t even recognize them anymore. 

There is a gap between my head and my heart. I am fighting this every day. I don’t want my thoughts to dominate. I don’t want the stirrings of my heart to be decreased. I don’t want there to be a contest between those thoughts and those feelings. More importantly, I don’t want my thoughts to win. 

There is a gap between my head and my heart. I am fighting it. I am guessing that some of you are fighting it as well. 

I am not fighting alone. You are not fighting alone. 

There is a gap between my head and my heart. But I am constantly looking for the moment when it no longer exists. 

adam

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About Spice Up Your Life With Some Ginger

A ginger just trying to figure out life.
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