this past week, God’s love has been a hurricane and i am a tree. and i am free.
i finally took steps toward freeing myself of shame that i have held onto for years; and i should clarify, -i- am not freeing myself, but -Jesus- is freeing me of my shame – because this perfect man, knowing fully well the many mistakes i would make and will make, allowed Himself to be killed in order to take on the judgment – the penalty – that i should receive. i deserve death. in the most pure and perfect act of justice, i deserve death. but God does not want that for me. and i am slowly coming to a deeper knowledge of this.
and it’s not that this hurricane-like force has only been around or has only shown up in this past week. it has always been there. God’s true, pure, illogical love has always been rapping against my branches. my heart was hardened; i hadn’t even realized how hardened my heart was. the Spirit had been trying and trying to break it down – trying to push me toward vulnerability and, ultimately, freedom. but, it took my submitting to Him – giving up, no longer fighting back – saying YES, rather than NO – to arrive at this peace that surpasses all understanding. it took me giving up my desires to hide and to continually veil myself in order to experience the love of God that transcends knowledge: this illogical love that i cannot make sense of; this love that my mere human brain can never fully grasp; it doesn’t make sense – and it’s not supposed to! it’s illogical! it surpasses all knowledge! don’t try to make sense of God’s love before accepting it – that will only take you a place filled with shame, fear, and isolation.
you always hear that there is freedom in Christ – freedom in knowing that He bore the weight of your sins on the cross. i am finally realizing this freedom. i don’t have to feel any shame for things i’ve done; i don’t have to be ashamed of my past; i don’t have to try to hide the sinful things i’ve done – there is no record of them/they’ve been blotted out – rather, God is glorified in my sharing them – that His GRACE and His MERCY might be fully known and realized.
The Lord forgives. and He doesn’t just forgive the kid who has John 3:16 memorized – He doesn’t only forgive the person who attends church every sunday; He forgives the 65-year-old ex-biker dying of stomach cancer – He forgives the Las Vegas prostitute – He forgives the man who murdered his wife – He forgives the prideful and arrogant businessman who can see nothing but money – He forgive the college student who spent all night by the toilet – He forgives you – He forgives your brother – He forgives your roommate – He forgives your landlord – He forgives your angry, old neighbor – He forgives – He forgives – He forgives – He forgives.
and it costs absolutely nothing to receive His forgiveness – all He wants is for you to live the most joyful and fulfilling life you could ever live by putting Him – the just, pure, good, gracious, righteous God – at the center of your life.